Bar Mitzvah and Bat Mitzvah Traditional vs. Alternative Planning Options
Bar Mitzvah, Bat Mitzvah - A Brief History In some aspects of Judaism, such as Orthodox, women are not permitted to take part in any religious practice, so the Bat Mitzvah is nothing more than a party which everyone attends. In other sects or movements, the girls do exactly what the young men do.
Present Day Ceremonies 
Alternative Bar Mitzvah and Bat Mitzvah For Children Even the Bar Mitzvah or Bat Mitzvah ceremony can be held anywhere. Just as weddings can be held anywhere a Chuppah can be erected, Bar Mitzvahs and Bat Mitzvahs can be held anywhere as well. A tallit, a kippah, a Torah Scroll and a Rabbi, but do remember, a child does need to be taught and prepared for that day, and their ceremony to take place. God gave the Torah and its Commandments in the wilderness. I am hearing more and more from catering managers, on how they have had several ceremonies take place on their properties. For families who are not affiliated with a Temple or don’t live near one, this is a great alternative or option to what we have been conditioned to follow, the traditional ceremony in a Temple. For those affiliated with a temple that prefer an alternative ceremony outside the temple, schedule a meeting with the rabbi. Do your research, have a plan and present it. Not only can the ceremony be held in a non-traditional place, but the ceremony itself can be non-traditional. Since there are so many demands on children’s time these days, learning the Torah portion and the blessings can be more than a child can manage without a lot of stress. Bar Mitzvahs and Bat Mitzvahs are traditions that are not set in stone, so they can be observed in different ways that still show that the child has an understanding of his or her Jewish heritage and what it means. Each Shabbat a specific parsha (part) in the Torah is read and a Devar Torah is given by the leader of the worship service, also known as a sermon. Each child's 13th birthday day and month corresponds with each parsha. This is the base that a Rabbi would use to design an alternative Bar Mitzvah or Bat Mitzvah ceremony. Each child is unique with their own gift. When a Rabbi meets with the child or children and their parents, only then can an alternative ceremony be created making it their own personal moment. This would not only demonstrate the child's understanding of Torah, but it would be their very own personal expression. When children express they want this before they reach age 13, God is sending a message through the child. The time has come for parents to act, but due to certain experiences in their lives, resistance to Judaism will be the barrier and it is the child that suffers the consequences. Throw down the barriers and let the children experience this moment in their lives. For those children in interfaith families expressing their identity with Judaism before the age of 13, the time has come as well. For it is those parents whom decided early on when they had children, they were going to leave it up to them to decide on a religion when they get older. A thought...When your child is an adult and is asked the common question, "Why didn't you have a Bar Mitvah / Bat Mitzvah?" Your adult child pauses and responds, "I did not have one because my parents (fill in the blank)?" There are no excuses for the children to miss this opportunity, not even modern day's busiest schedules. Special Needs Children There is also no reason for ‘special needs’ children not to become Bar Mitzvah or Bat Mitzvah, either. There are many children who have difficulty learning even the simplest of the blessings. This doesn’t mean they don’t understand or can’t feel in their hearts what it means to be obedient to God. Many children who can’t learn the Hebrew and often struggle with English have special talents. These talents can be their way of expressing their love and devotion to God and to their Jewish heritage. Those talents can be expressed in a way that would leave a memorable moment for the child, the parents and guests. One young girl, who at fifteen, thought she was too old and was severely dyslexic, would never become Bat Mitzvah. But after some discussion with the Rabbi, it was decided that she could indeed have her Bat Mitzvah ceremony. Though she could not learn Hebrew very well, she could dance so gracefully it was like watching prayer in motion. So this was to be her focus for the ceremony – to show her devotion to God and understanding of what was now expected of her in the community, she would express it in dance. It was a marvelous Bat Mitzvah for her and for all who attended. 
Adult Bar Mitzvah and Bat Mitzvah Just as there is no set rules regarding what kind of ceremony can be held, there are also no set rules regarding the age, either. It is never too late to become Bar or Bat Mitzvah. During World War II, many Jewish children in Europe were not able to have ceremonies. Many waited until years later when they were adults. Many adults today have realized their dreams of becoming Bar Mitzvah or Bat Mitzvah and many more are in the process of preparing for it. Programs specifically for adults are offered in most temples and synagogues to learn the Hebrew and prayers in preparation for this wonderful occasion. In most temples and synagogues, this is a two-year program running from October to May, usually between the end of Sukkot and the beginning of Passover. This is because the teacher, who is often the Cantor, has many other duties during the Jewish Holidays and is unable to hold classes during that time. If you are not a member of a temple or synagogue, don't be disheartened. These programs are still available to you. No matter the age, anyone can learn Hebrew. You can learn the most important prayers for Shabbat services and the blessings often recited. Imagine going to the Bar Mitzvah or Bat Mitzvah of a friend or relatives child and being able to follow in the prayer book, not only saying the words but understanding them. How wonderful a thing that is! Second Bar Mitzvah or Bat Mitzvah at 83 Years Young While a second wedding to renew wedding vows is common, most people don't even think of a second Bar Mitzvah or Bat Mitzvah at 83. It could even be the first for some. In the Psalms, King David made mention of the lifespan of that time, which was up to the age of 70. 71 on is almost like starting over. The math is simple: 70 + 13 = 83. So 83 is the perfect age to become Bar or Bat Mitzvah all over again. Celebrating the Bar Mitzvah or Bat Mitzvah, whether it is the first or second time, with the recitation of the Torah in this time honored tradition is a wonderful way to celebrate a full life. What an impression it will have on the grandchildren and great-grandchildren! They will learn that it is never too much for something so important and special. Alternative vs. Traditional Bar Mitzvah, Bat Mitzvah, Adult Bar or Bat Mitzvah is possible! Conclusion Bar Mitzvah or Bat Mitzvah is not the attainment of maturity such as being able to marry, to earn a living or bear children. One of the Jewish Holy books, the Talmud does make this aspect of the Bar Mitzvah very clear. It states unequivocally that 13 is the age to be obligated to the community, and over 20 you must earn your own living. The Bar, or Bat Mitzvah is simply the age when a child is old enough to be responsible for his/her own actions and behavior in the community. The Bar Mitzvah or Bat Mitzvah is Over or is it? What happens to the 13 year old after the Bar Mitzvah or Bat Mitzvah ceremony and reception? Does this special occasion fade into memory to be brought out only once n a while as a childhood remembrance? For many, this is just what happens. It means no more religious schooling, no more memorizing and practicing. Then, as they have children reaching this age, they can only remember bits and pieces. But there are those that consider it just a beginning. Now they can be counted in a Minyan. All that was learned can be incorporated into daily life. Learning can continue beyond as Jewish Day School is extended into middle school and high school, too. There are organizations to keep kids connected to their heritage such as NIFTY, and BBYO, organizations for Jewish teenagers, Hillel is available college bound students and found on many college campuses. The Taglit-Birthright Israel gift is open to all Jewish young adults, ages 18 to 26, post high-school, who have not traveled to Israel before. This is a sponsored Free trip for our young adults. They have the experience that lasts a lifetime. Many colleges offer Judaica studies and these studies can also be found off campus near many colleges. Should the Bar Mitzvah and Bat Mitzvah be something that ends at 13 and not thought of again until they are parents of children approaching this age? Our hope and desire is for parents of children now reaching the age of 13 will not let it be the end but will work and encourage it to continue. The holidays of the Jewish calendar continues even long after the age of 13. Homes imbued with the presence of Judaism in daily living will reach inside all of us to reaffirm our love and commitment to Judaism. It does not have to end at 13 and become only a memory. It can be just the beginning.
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